Indigo Prophecy: Fahrenheit Review

July 26, 2005 · Posted in Games 

This games sucks.

Oh my god, what a digital waste of space.

I have to admit I was intrigued at first…

A third-person adventure thriller created by the team behind Omikron.

Ummm, ok. Who or what the fsck is Omikron!?! If he (or it) had anything to do with the game design behind Indigo Prophecy: Fahrenheit he needs to have Indigo pixels shoved up his poopah.

The “game engine” so lovingly created by three europeans the gaming world has never heard of feels like you’re playing Tomb Raider a la PS1 with a broken controller. And that’s not the worst of it! The thing that pisses me off the most is that they couldn’t even successfully rip off the gesturing mechanism so brilliantly incorporated into Darwinia. (Chris, Andy, Tom and Mark be praised!)

Basically to interact with the world, you need to “gesture”. That is click and/or drag your mouse into different shapes to produce a given outcome with your surroundings. It works (and makes total sense) in Darwinia but is shrunken down to a freaking gimmick in this POS. I mean, jesus, I think I may have gotten tennis elbow trying to open the fscking door to the bathroom. And to make matters worse, when I finally did do _something_ it rewarded my by saying, “You’ve like, completed one of the many stories in this like, game by the choices you have like, made blah Blah BLAH!!!” Look jackass, I didn’t download you’re “game” to create stories. I downloaded your game to either

a) kill things

or

b) blow things up

If I wanted storytelling, I would have purchased a Nintendo Gamecube.

Anyhoo, you be the judge. Download it here but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

In conclusion, I don’t know what sucks worse, the game or this review.

I give it 2 out of 10 snowflakes. One snowflake for some of the in-game textures and a second snowflake because, well… there are snowflakes in the game.

Pretty sad.

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Comments

5 Responses to “Indigo Prophecy: Fahrenheit Review”

  1. rip on July 27th, 2005 7:40 am

    I like your rankings phil. Very fitting indeed. In fact we should do this from now on with games/movies/music we discuss here. Possibly we could make it worse than a rating of 1 snowflake, how about 10 Yellow snowflakes if its REALLY bad as this would seem fitting here now!!

  2. theDarkStranger on July 27th, 2005 7:53 am

    I like the SnowFlake ranking idea… I so do it. Make a rating system. ;)

    Thanks for the review phil. Glad I never even tried to play this one. SSSssshhh Back to playing UNREAL Tournament Game of the Year while working. LOL

  3. rip on July 27th, 2005 12:00 pm

    Well it appears as no one has built this plugin yet or at least the way I would like to see it.
    Maybe a project for me to take on using AJAX

  4. Grendel on July 27th, 2005 1:17 pm

    Hey Phil, ya want that I should send you some of those Australian minty toothpicks? :)

  5. Paul on July 28th, 2005 7:39 am

    Hee hee. Just bought 4 packs at Wild Oats.

    Thanks though dude! :)

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